This Is The Day

Soooooooooooo...I don't even know where to start.  First let me start by giving ALL honor and praise and glory to my God.  My Healer.  My Abba.  Today I got the results of my pet scan, and I am officially CANCER FREE.  Wow.  Incredible.  The doctor told me that the pet scan showed no sign of cancer anywhere in my body.  Can I just say, God is GREAT and His promises are TRUE!?!  To those of you who doubt, to those of you who keep him at arms length, I tell you...embrace Him.  He is real.  He is truth and life.  He is everything you ever needed and wanted.  He is.  He just is.   

These past two days have been a constant battle for my mind.  I have been hit with so much opposition mentally.  The first thing that I was struggling with was that if I had not been reading or praying nearly as much as I thought I should, then God was not going to bless me, and that He was not going to heal me, and that I was defeated, because I wasn't good enough or hadn't been spiritual enough.  But clearly, that is a lie.  I could be at the pinnacle of my spiritual walk with God, more close to Him than any other, and I STILL would not deserve and could not earn what He has done in my life.  Not even CLOSE!!  My wise and awesome husband told me the other night, when I was sharing this struggle I was having with him, that me being closer to God would not change whether or not God wanted me healed, and that it would not change the promises of God, but it would change whether or not I was going to let the enemy defeat me in my mind, and how effective I was going to be with the life that has been given to me.  And I was like, YEAH!  The enemy wants to blame and condemn me, and God wants to RESTORE, CONFIRM, ESTABLISH, and STRENGTHEN me.  The only way the enemy can defeat me is in my mind.  So that battle was over.  The next day I was driving in my car, singing one of my anthems, and these verses came out "When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end to all my sin.  Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free.  For God the just is satisfied, to look on Him and pardon me."  And to that, Satan has no reply. 

The other battle I was facing was the "what ifs" that were running through my mind.  I kept hearing about all these people that had breast cancer, and then it spread to their bones, and then to their liver.  And then another story of a woman who relapsed after being cancer free for quite some time.  And more than anything my heart was broken for them, and they are in the forefront of my prayer focus, but in the back of my mind I thought, what if that happens to me.  And my response to that was "No matter what, I will praise my God, and to Him belongs all honor and glory!!"  I thought to myself ahead of time what my response was going to be if I went in there today and they told me my whole body was full of cancer, in my bones, in my liver, everywhere.  And I was going to say "Praise be to God."  I was telling myself that if I was going to suffer more, that it was because something good was going to come of it, and that it just wasn't my time yet.  I was still healed, and still free, but it just wasn't going to be manifested yet in my life.  I wanted to use that situation to glorify Him even more!  And the darker the cloud, the more fierce the opposition, the greater God would be portrayed when He defeated them.  The greater the trial, the greater the glory!  That was what I prepared myself to say.  I was ready for whatever was to come, and actually excited just to know one way or the other. 

But, God decided today was my time!  And I am healed.  When this all started, God told me in my spirit, "I the Lord am your Healer."  And I can't tell you how many times the enemy has tried to steal that from me.  I am so thankful that all of you were praying for me and covering me, and especially for my husband who shared with me my darkest moments, and who I know was constantly striving in prayer for me, and was filled with Godly wisdom and encouragement.  I am so thankful.  So blessed.

So the next steps are still the same.  I will still have surgery in about a week and a half, and then radiation about four weeks after that.  The doctor said that doing so would greatly reduce my risk of recurrence.  So this particular journey is not over yet, and I still ask for your prayers.

What a wonderful thing God has done in me these last six months.  I am so thankful.  Thank you God!